White Trash

"The White Countess," the new film by Merchant/Ivory, is garbage. It's boring, heavy handed, and eye-rolling inducing. Starring Ralph Fiennes and Natasha Richardson, the flick focuses on a blind American diplomat who opens a dancehall/bordello in prewar Shanghai. Fiennes's American accent sounds like Matthew Modine's impersonation of John Wayne in "Full Metal Jacket." Really bad. Despite the print ad's image of the stars in a passionate embrace, there is zero sex or eroticism. Zero. That kiss lasts about three seconds and is obscured by a curtain. The film is maudlin and pretentious, laden with Lit 101 symbolism. Waste.